Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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