perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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