i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
