Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
