dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
