I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
