TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
