You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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