Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
