I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize