My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
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