So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
