I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
