Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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