Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
