Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
