just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
