Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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