i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
