OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
