He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
