when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
