Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
