you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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