Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize