Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
