Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
ugly people sure do ruin things
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
