proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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