Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
