My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize