I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
