I think I just saw someone hide a body.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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