I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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