I faked an abortion last night.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Randomize
