What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
