We got so high we made milksteak
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
