when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
