i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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