i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
