He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
