Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
