What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
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Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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