Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
