I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
