dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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