I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
