Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
