his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
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