Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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