If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
