What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
