I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize
