his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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