Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
