too bad you live with your parents still
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
