Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
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Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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