Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Randomize
