I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
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i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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